“Want to go boxing?” my friend Danielle asked me one morning. “Marc and I are loving it. You have to try it out!”
“Um..ok…” I said reluctantly.
Driving over to the gym I felt a bit of excitement and fear at the same time. What if I made a fool of myself? That was highly likely. Oh well. I was willing to take the risk and face the fear.
To be honest that first class was more of a mental challenge than anything else. Jab, cross, left hook? What does that mean? I bumbled over the lingo and the movements and then, would you guess, I came back for more.
A boxing bag to one person can produce feelings of fear and anxiety and to another person can produce feelings of empowerment and excitement. Is it the bag? Or is it you, placing your own meaning onto it?
Rejection is the same. To one person it can be the juice that motivates them to pick up the phone ten more times and to another it is the TKO that has them lying on the ground unable to get up.
So what if I told you there was a way to NEVER fear rejection again?
Imagine walking into a room, or picking up the phone, every time with your head held high and a smile on your face. Would you believe me?
I’m going to help create a new mindset around rejection. This is powerful stuff. I promise you’ll feel stronger and more powerful than you ever have before and your business will benefit in a big way! Let’s get started.
Mindset Shift 1 : Accept yourself completely.
To be sure, we all have areas we are working on improving. However, it is important to accept yourself just as you are now. So you want to lose twenty pounds? Great. Go for it, AND in the process love all that your body already does for you. You want to double your income this year? Awesome. AND accept that where you are now is exactly where you need to be.
Letting go of a “WHEN this happens, THEN I’ll be _________” mindset is crucial to overcoming the fear of rejection. When you love who you are, warts and all, no one else has the power to make you feel inferior.
Easy to say, harder to do. This may help.
When you’re feeling rejected ask yourself, and write it down:
What do I need from this person right now?
What would a ‘yes’ mean to me right now?
What if I don’t get it?
Will I still be alright?
What lessons can I take away from this situation to make me even better next time?
Good questions! When you see that you don’t need acceptance from anyone to feel okay in your own skin, you have just loosened the grip that the fear of rejection has on you.
Choose to deliberately shift your focus to more empowering thinking :
I’m a great person.
I have a lot to offer.
I accept who I am right now
I am doing the best I can
This gets you on the path to reclaiming your personal power.
Mindset Shift 2 : All I have to do is share.
When we believe our products and business opportunity are valuable we are no longer selling. We are sharing. We are exploring, through conversation, to see who is open.
It is vitally important to shift from a selling mindset to a sharing mindset, if you are going to squash the fear of rejection.
Sharing stems from love and generosity. It is helpful and kind. It is curious and complimentary. It is friendly and forgiving. Approaching someone with this energy is magnetic.
Here is my secret. When I am out prospecting, whether on social media, or in person, I have no idea who is going to be receptive to getting involved with me as a customer or a business partner and who isn’t and I absolutely refrain from prejudging anyone.
My job, as I see it, is to ask good questions, be interested in what the other person has to say and see how I can help them get what they want. If, after talking with them I feel what I have to offer could help, I confidently share my product or opportunity.
Just this week I was working from home when my bug man came by for our quarterly service. I asked him if he’d like a drink and he was so thrilled. I gave him two bottles of water, one for now and one for later, and we started talking. It soon came out that he was not feeling well and wanted to put on weight. He was the thinnest he had been in years.
This was an open door to share what I do and how it might help him put on some lean muscle mass and regain his energy. Regardless of whether he purchases or not, I have done my job. This leads to the final point…
Mindset Shift 3 : Detach from the end result.
An exercise I often do with my clients is asking them to visualize two buckets: a bucket of what you can control and a bucket of what you can’t control. It’s quite interesting to see what lights turn on while doing this exercise. I encourage you to do it right now.
Fold a piece of paper in half. At the top of one column write Things I CAN Control and over the other Things I CANNOT Control. Write them down now.
Anytime we are feeling rejected, chances are we are over-focused on the bucket of things we cannot control like other people’s opinions, beliefs, attitudes and ideas of us, our business, our friends and our choices. This was a huge lesson for me.
This third shift will help you see that rejection is in the bucket of things we cannot control and when we turn our focus away from the result and turn it onto what we CAN CONTROL, like our own actions, conversations, attitudes and choices, we will feel victorious.
Wrapping It Up
Imagine if you completely accepted yourself, you focused on sharing your products and opportunity and you were unattached to the end result. You could easily reach out to your dream clients with no fear of rejection. You would approach every situation from a posture of accepting yourself and only looking for where you can help others. Imagine if you could focus on only the things you can control. Imagine how powerful you would feel. Imagine how much success would be attracted to you like a magnet.
Let this be your guiding force as you make your calls, build your team and grow your business. Rejection will be a feeling of the past. You’re too powerful to waste your time on that. Now go hit that bag!